


Imagine dump

by The_Ghost_of_Condoms_Past



Category: Hannibal (TV), North and South (UK TV), Pilgrimage (2017), Richard Armitage - Fandom, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Canon-Typical Violence, Denial AU, During The Hobbit, F/M, Gen, Multi, Non-Canon Relationship, Other, Post-Canon, Pre-The Hobbit, Thorin Oakenshield Lives, end of disscussion, fuck tolkien
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 02:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14392383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Ghost_of_Condoms_Past/pseuds/The_Ghost_of_Condoms_Past
Summary: I'm dumping all my imagines that I post on my tumblr (thorins-magnificent-ass) on here in the even that Tumblr decides to come after my sinful ass and delete my account. It's a various collection of fandoms I am in, mainly The hobbit though.





	1. Imagine 1-50

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work here, so I have no idea how this sight works on the author's end.

  * **Imagine introducing the company to the game “Ninja” and they end up loving it.**
  * **Imagine leaning over to Thorin when Gandalf is being awful, and telling him all he has to do is say the word and you’d punch Gandalf in the face for him.**
  * **Imagine calling Gandalf out when he’s being racist against the dwarves**
  * **Imagine playing the “don’t laugh challenge” with the Company and making Thorin laugh by putting googly eyes and fuzzy eyebrows and drawing a big nose and a frownie face on the back of Dwalin’s head.**
  * **Imagine calling Thorin, “Badger king.” In another language because you think his graying hair is cute and not telling him what it means because you are embarrassed.**
  * **Imagine getting angry at Thorin but not wanting to hurt his feelings so you call him a big dumb muffin for throwing himself at Azog and the company not letting him forget it.**



Thorin is really confused at first, he starts to secretly love it when you call him it.

  * **Imagine falling into Middle Earth and discovering you’re a powerful witch and you use your powers to help Thorin with his quest.**



Let’s just say he ends up trusting and liking you more than Gandalf, but it’s not much of a competition.

  * **Imagine teaching the company to fist bump**
  * **Imagine flirting with Thorin although out the quest**



Doing it flawlessly, obviously blatant, and awkwardly, and him being so freaking confused and overwhelmed, but flustered.

  * **Imagine Thorin teaching you to fight and you managing to get his head between your thighs and suffocating him slightly.**



And afterward you let go you whisper, “I must admit I loved having your head buried between my thighs. Maybe next time we should try wrestling?” in his ear making him blush like crazy.

  * **Imagine Thorin smoking quietly on the banks of a river, and you sneak up behind him and hiss, “long live the king” and then shove him in the water**
  * **Imagine Thorin and Dwalin wrestling shirtless and you stuffing a gold coin down Thorin’s trousers and telling him, “Here’s to looking at you, kid.” In a jokingly playful manner**
  * **Imagine returning Thorin’s family tree tapestry to him the night before leaving to Erebor, and him smiling like a mad man hand he gives you a bear hug.**
  * **Imagine lending Thorin an ear to rant to, and as you listen to him you fiddle with his hands and he finds it very endearing**
  * **Imagine constantly making the stupidest puns and Thorin loving it**
  * **Imagine calling Thorin, “Badger king.” In another language because you think his graying hair is cute and not telling him what it means because you are embarrassed.**
  * **Imagine kissing Thorin on the nose when he starts to feel insecure about himself and reassuring him he’s a great leader, and he’s perfect the way he is.**
  * **Imagine provoking Thorin into chasing you by nicking his coat**
  * **And to escape you climb a tree**
  * **Imagine introducing the company to the game, “Get down mister president” and Thorin hating it because he’s always the one getting tackled**
  * **Imagine bringing a Polaroid camera along on the quest and catching funny moments on the journey**
  * **Imagine telling the company about lent and how you’re not supposed to eat meat**



“Why do your people hate fun! ”

  * **Imagine showing/reading the company the harry potter series**
  * **And they all hate umbridge**
  * **Imagine sharing a scarf with Thorin in the winter**
  * **IMAGINE Gandalf accidentally turing Thorin into a bunny by like sneezing or something**



And you end up taking care of him in that form.

  * **IMAGINE saying that you like something out loud to yourself, and Thorin making an effort to remember it by writing it down or something so he can have it on hand in Erebor for you**
  * **Imagine Thorin’s excitement as he witnesses your child’s first steps**



“I was not anticipating our little pebble to start walking until she was two years old!”

  * **Imagine the company in Lederhosen**
  * **Imagine Thorin’s face when he hears your child call him daddy as their first word**
  * **Imagine being pregnant with Thorin’s baby and waking every morning to find him rubbing your baby bump and talking to the baby**



“I promise you as soon as you can walk I’ll teach you blacksmithing.”  
“Over my dead body thorin oakenshield.”  
*whispers* “we’ll have to do it when mum’s not looking”  
“I’m never leaving you alone with our child.”

  * **Imagine how distracting thorin would find your cleavage**



Like even show the slightest cleavage and he trails off in the middle of sentences because you made him forget what he was saying

  * **Imagine giving Thorin a fidget cube to help him alleviate stress and him being so grateful and he never leaves his chambers without it**
  * **Imagine introducing the company to bubble wrap**
  * **Imagine waking Thorin up from a PTSD nightmare and you rub his back and sing to him until he can sleep peacefully the rest of the night**



You’re the only person he’s ever let comfort him.

  * **Imagine Thorin strongly relating to Moana and her sense of duty to her fate and how far she’ll go to do what she feels is right by her people**
  * **Imagine dwalin being impressed by Maui’s bitchin tattoos**
  * **Imagine Thorin shoving you into his barrel on the barge without your permission and to get back at him you tease him the entire time you’re in it together**



“All hail the King under the mountain, the king of carven stone, and LORD OF THE SILVER FISH BARREL!”  
*growls * “Woman I swear to Mahal if you don’t stop mocking me I will throw you into the lake.” * nips you *

  * **Imagine hating Lobelia Sackville-Baggins along with Bilbo**



“that woman looks like a skunk that got a whiff of himself after a long hibernation”

  * **Imagine the company learning that your greatest fear is letting them down and getting them hurt or killed**



Or betraying them on accident

  * **Imagine Fili and Kili thinking it’d be funny to let a boggart loose on you**



The made bets, but the were both wrong as to what your greatest fear is

  * **Imagine starting a flying lantern tradition with Thorin for your child like in “Tangled”**
  * **Imagine grossing Fili and Kili out by flirting with Thorin**



Thorin is in on it too, he enjoys grossing them out just as much as you do. He also really likes you so it’s a, “three birds one stone” kind of deal for him.

  * **Imagine Thorin insisting on you riding in his barrel and you giving him a blow job as soon as the barrel pass the rapids**
  * ## Imagine the company’s fascination with your fun colored hair

  * **Imagine explaining what April Fool’s day is to the company and instantly regretting it**



You know why you would

  * ## Imagine Thorin being in awe of your naturally curly hair and constantly wanting to touch and play with it

  * ## Imagine Thorin learning that you’ve lost a significant amount of weight a few months into the quest due to not getting enough food and he feels guilty he did not notice earlier

  * ## Imagine the company thinking your stretch marks are scars from battle

“Must have been a fierce battle for you to get so many scars” “No these are stretch marks…I’m not brave, just fat.”

  * ## Imagine Thorin’s reaction to seeing you on a Harley in leather

  * ## Imagine explaining to Thorin that your people do not have a king

  * ## Imagine hip bumping one of the guys for lulz or to get their attention however it’s more of you nudging their ribs with your hip

They do not understand you sometimes





	2. Imagines 51-76

**51-** Imagine trying to tell Thorin that you are pregnant with cute innuendos and colloquialism and he does not understand a single one of them

*thirtieth try telling him* “Honey there’s something in the oven”

*Thorin opens oven door and sees a bun* “why in Mahal’s name is there a single bread roll in our oven?”

“Damn it Thorin, I’m pregnant, you big goon!”

 

**52-** Imagine cuddling up with Thorin on a rainy day in front of a window, and you’re under a blanket with him, in his lap, wearing a pair of his fuzzy socks, and drinking tea as he reads to you

**53** -Imagine Dori losing his shit over mugs with sweaters

**54-** Imagine Thorin thinking you’re faking being nice to him so you can steal from him, but then you get a fever and are still super nice to him, and you’re worried about the quest while delirious and he feels bad about mistreating you

Also all you want are cuddles

 

**55-** Imagine having to borrow a shirt and Thorin lends you one of his, but the shirt won’t button properly over your breasts so you sit there with massive amounts of cleavage showing Thorin loves and hates it 

**56-** Imagine getting slightly drunk and telling thorin that you think he’s pretty

*after 4 steins of ale* “Thorin has any ever told you you’re pretty?”

*Thorin tries not to laugh* “no”

*sits up straight* “well allow me to be the first to say, you’re gorgeous ….and you have a great ass.” *grabs said ass*

“Thank you lass,” *cuts you off from alcohol for the rest of the night*

 

**57-** Imagine Thorin noticing that you’re just straight up staring at him from across camp and getting really pissed off and when he confronts you, you admit that you think his eyes are really beautiful and he gets all flustered

“Why are you gawking at me girl!”

“Oh sorry, I can’t help it.”

“Oh really why is that.”

“Your eyes are just so blue it feels like I’m drowning in them.”

 

**58-** Imagine Thorin trying to use modern slang

“You look fleek girl.”

“Thorin no”

“Uncle stop please.”

“Why am I too rachet for you *checks script* ….dawg.”

 

**59-** Imagine making thorin a flower crown and telling him it’s a place holder for the one in Erebor

**60-** Imagine learning Thorin has love handles and taking it upon yourself to name them

“This one is is ale and this one is mead ” *pinches said deposits of fat*

*rest of the company tries not to laugh*

 

**61-** Imagine catching Thorin baby talking at a puppy 

**62-** Imagine unknowingly being Thorin’s one and you cook a nice meal for the company, and Dwalin, liking your cooking so much, he threatens to steal you away from Thorin if he doesn’t hurry up and have a courting braid in your hair by the end of the week 

**63-** Imagine Fili and Kili finding and eating your stash of edible weed, and they get high as balls

“These gummy worms taste really skunky”

“yeah they’re gross what are they?”

“Oh holy shit! Please tell me you only ate one each! Thorin! ”

 

**64-** Imagine Thorin turning into a bumbling idiot around you which makes him pissed at himself 

**65-** Imagine Thorin marveling at how soft your skin is 

**66-** Imagine Thorin cooking a meal for you and taking you out on a romantic picnic 

**67-** Imagine interacting with Thorin like this

**68-** Imagine doing this to Thorin in Erebor’s treasury just to fuck with him

**69-** Imagine Thorin bringing you flowers everyday when he comes home from work 

**70-** Imagine trying to have a serious conversation with Thorin but he keeps distracting you by attempting to have sex with you 

**71-** Imagine Thorin getting really shit-faced and passing out and having sex dreams about you which he thinks are real and when you come to wake him up when he’s sober, he pulls you into bed and you two really have sex 

**72-** Imagine having sex with Thorin in a room with a mirror as a ceiling so you can see his back muscles working 

**73-** Imagine introducing thorin to the many pleasurable and erotic uses of a riding crop 

**74-** Imagine being bilingual and when you fall into middle earth you are so shocked you temporarily forget how to speak English and the dwarves are convinced you can’t speak English and to fuck with them you play along to their idea until you get to Rivendell and then pretending like you were speaking English the whole time 

**75-** Imagine Beorn and Thorin fighting over you

“she’s far too kind to be with the likes of dwarves.”

“she is a part of my company and will stay with us.”

“You treat her like she’s a burden, she should stay somewhere where she feels safe and appreciated.”

“she is a dead weight yes, but she will always be safe by my side!”

“I don’t know if I should be insulted or embarrassed that they’re doing this.”

 

**76-** Imagine getting into a water gun war with fili, kili, and thorin

Thorin: I will not partake in your infantile games.

Kili: oh come on uncle, don’t be such a stick in the mud.

Thorin: I said no.

you: *sprays him in the face* scared you gonna lose old man?

Thorin: oh you’ve done it now *grabs squirt gun and chases after you*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to format this stuff yet, bear with me.


	3. Imagine 77

## Imagine using reverse psychology to get Thorin to play games with you, Fili, and Kili

Fili: uncle come play with us, like you used to when we were small.

Kili :it’ll be fun I promise!

Thorin: ***ignoring all of you***

you: leave the grump be, he won’t be able to keep up with us. He’ll probably lose anyway, and strain his old body trying to.

Thorin: name the game!


	4. Imagine 78

## Imagine that when you fall into middle earth you fall on to Bilbo’s table during the dwarvish invasion of Bag End and you’re wearing a shirt that says, “Down With The Patriarchy ”

you: Ow…uh hi?

Thorin :*sees your shirt and cocks an eyebrow*


	5. Imagine79

## Imagine telling thorin it is your dream to watch the aurora borealis, and he surprises you by taking you on a trip up north to see them for your honeymoon


	6. Imagine 80

## Imagine being a witch amongst the company and Kili asking you for a spell to grow his beard. Of which there is no such thing, but instead of telling him that you give him a confidence glamour spell as a placebo and it some how fucking works.


	7. Imagine 81

## Imagine goofing around with the company and Thorin calling them all idiots and you retort with a sick burn

Thorin: why are my nephews dancing and singing about not wanting to be a chicken or a duck and that they’re going to shake their butts?

Bofur: It’s a dance the Lass showed them!

Thorin: Mahal, all of you are idiots.

You: Do you know what that makes you then?

Thorin: ***sighs*** I do not know what does that make me?

you : it makes you king of the idiots.


	8. Imagine 82

## Imagine going to a tavern with the company and much to Thorin’s displeasure drink after drink comes for you from interested parties, but much to his relief you don’t drink a single one.

Thorin: ***pouting majestically***

You: why do they have to buy me booze? Why can’t it be books, or art supplies, or food!?

Bilbo: because you’re more likely to sleep with someone when drunk on spirits than drunk on literature.

you: but room temperature ale is just gross.

Kili : Does that mean you do not want these? ***gestures to the dozen odd ale flagons covering the table***

you : no, help yourselves

Thorin: ***majestically orders you food***

****


	9. Imagine 83

## Imagine using text talk in everyday conversation and the entire company being super confused

You : btw I am going to go take a bath in the lake, brb.

Dwalin: who is BT Dubs?

Gloin : what is brb?

Thorin : since we are on this topic, what lull do you always speak of when ever anyone makes a joke?


	10. Imagine 84

## Imagine actually being like an experienced Judo fighter or an MMA fighter and the company just assumes that you can’t fight because you’re so clumsy, but then you kick the shit out of an orc for attempting to harm one of them


	11. Imagine 85

## Imagine learning that, once thorin feels comfortable enough to let his guard down, that he sleep bare ass naked


	12. Imagine 86

## Imagine going to the beach with the company and Thorin makes the mistake of falling asleep while sunbathing on the beach

You bribed fili and Kili into helping you bury him, and had Ori and Bofur find seashells to decorate him with.


	13. Imagine 87

## Imagine that in dwarvish culture lingerie, is not silk and lace, but like precious metal and jewels and you wear a bunch of it for your dwarvish lover


	14. Imagine 88

## Imagine taking an arrow in the shoulder for thorin and him refusing to let but anyone but himself treat your wounds because it would require them to see you with your shirt off and because he loves you and feels like he owes you

He won’t even let you treat it.


	15. Imagine 89

## Imagine petting Thorin’s hair and learning that Dwarves purr like cats

you : what’s that noise… wait a minute are you purring * puts ear up to Thorin’s chest* holy crap you purr like a giant cat!

thorin : all dwarves do this, lass

You : *** fan girls slightly ***

****


End file.
